This morning, I woke up particularly homesick. Not necessarily Connecticut sick, sort of Albany sick (a feeling I've never felt before), but more northeast-sick. It started with seeing a photo of a very recognizable food from a restaurant in my hometown (Shady Glen cheeseburger, anyone?), to seeing photos of old friends doing awesome things, to thinking about what I would most like to do when we are back up North in October for a good friend's wedding.
It hasn't happened many times that I have truly been homesick-- it really only hits when people I love have come to visit and are leaving. But as I reflected on this feeling throughout the day, it struck me that it was just about a year ago that I was thinking about saying goodbye to a place that had come to be home, and how weird it is that that sacred place is no longer home. I started to think about the past year, and what it has been like since we said those goodbyes and embraced this adventure. So here are my thoughts on the past year and on moving cross-country.
The Place
I think, when you move cross-country, there is this real big anxiety that lurks about the place itself that is supposed to be your new home. The weather is different, people have different accents here, the food is different, traffic patterns are different: lots of things are different. We are lucky that we live in a populated city so that the place itself is similar to what we were used to: in some ways cities this size are all the same. There's a Target, a Home Depot, libraries, parks, malls... everything we were used to. So that part of the transition was easy peasy. Instead of Stop-n-Shop or Price Chopper, we go to Albertsons, and strangely, Bank of America doesn't exist here so we did have to change our bank, but our day-to-day life and where we go is still very similar.
And in other ways, it's even better. Thanks to some good new friends we discovered several local, open-air produce stands that sell amazing, fresh produce for very low prices (we always end up with 1-2 plastic bags' worth for about $17). It's basically like a farmers market every day. And though the Red Stick farmer's market is no Troy market, we love the permanence of a local, everyday produce stand. The movie theaters are nicer, as is the shopping mall. I have to say, the places we go, in general, are much prettier here. Even if the traffic is, much, much worse.
And then there's the weather. It's sort of a mixed bag, but I think positive comes out on top. Somehow, the sky is brighter and the grass is greener here. It's just.. happier. People are just.. happier. If we go 2 days without sun (OK, if I wake up and it's cloudy/rainy out), it's miserable. You get depressed so much easier. I can't remember what it was like and how awful it was to go weeks or months without the sun. Sure, it's hotter and definitely more humid here for longer (haven't heard the word "heat wave" one time since we've been here in reference to how many days over 90* it's been), and there are hurricanes (that we have not been through yet thankfully but are working on preparing for), but it is beautiful. And when it's not, everything has central a/c! I will say that the one thing that I don't like about the weather here are the torrential downpours that often accompany thunderstorms: they are no joke, flood everything real fast, and if you're driving, you can't see anything. The thunderstorms here are definitely super-sized, and I do find that scary.
The Opportunities
Moving cross-country afforded us an incomparable experience: Mike could grab the golden ring of opportunity and become a tenure-track professor at LSU. Granted at first we had no idea what being an LSU professor actually meant-- and it took us less than a month to realize the respect and admiration one gets when dropping this fact-- this job has afforded us with the means to live the type of life we want to live financially, and has given Mike the most amazing outlets for his many talents. He has really blossomed in the past year, is thriving in the LSU community, and has really become an anchor for the department. He has helped to breathe new life into a crime-based research center at the university, has taken on mentoring roles for both graduate students and undergraduates and is enjoying his heavy research load. I am positive that there is no other place on Earth that would have been such a good fit for him, and we both say all the time that, "this is the place."
Perhaps it was more challenging for me: in finishing up my PhD and teaching online, I'm working from home and have more unstructured time than I know what to do with. Anyone who knows me knows that structure is my thang, and really learning how to manage time effectively and make sure to continue working while adjusting to an entire new world with no one telling you, "OK, you work now" was really difficult. I would say it took me a good couple of months to get into a good rhythm, although unstructured time is still a challenge for me. I recently sent my chair a copy of my literature review for my dissertation, complete with the argument I hope to make, and she sent it back only with minor issues. One small (but large) step, right?
And perhaps the biggest opportunity that moving to Louisiana has afforded us is home ownership. A year ago, this was nowhere close to the top of the list, and now we are packing up, researching homeowners' insurance and getting ready to enter mortgage debt hell. We were able to find a great first house for us close enough to LSU that Mike doesn't have to take the highway to work, and with it being new we shouldn't have to worry about any major issues for a while (knock on wood). We were able to do this because housing prices are much more reasonable here and the demand for housing, somehow, is gigantic. The stars aligned.
The people: You win some, you lose some.
When you move cross country, as the great pop country singer Tracy Lawrence says, "you find out who your friends are." We were surprised how quickly some of our "good" friends dropped off the face of the Earth, but we were lucky to rekindle closer relationships with others. Perhaps this is partly to do with the normal ebb-and-flow of friendships, which we know well enough from being in graduate school for so long: friend groups and close friendships change each year, regardless of where you live. It is true that when you live far away a cup of coffee or happy hour isn't possible, and staying in contact is harder and takes more effort. We were surprised by a few friends who never took time to ask us how we were, how life was going, and how quickly those friendships died down. Like I said, others grew and I was able to have closer relationships with some girls I grew up with. We also have met some amazing people in Baton Rouge who make our days happier, so we surely can't complain. It does just change things, living farther away.
The thing that was certainly roughest at first, and still remains tough if I really stop to think about it, is how far I am from my parents and other loved relatives. I have a really close relationship with my parents, and to have to make it an event and pay for airfare to see them and other loved family members has been really difficult. Skype has been wonderful, and as Mike can attest, I'm usually on the phone with my parents at least a few times a week, and at most a few times a day. It's not something I actively dwell on so I don't notice it unless I stop to think about it, or unless it's a special day where we usually would be with family. We are closer to Mike's parents now, too, so we have been able to spend more time with them and even go on two vacations together this year. Other things that I wouldn't have believed you last year if you told me we'd go to Disney & Galveston this year!
You also realize how much you love and depend on your partner. True, Mike and I were always lucky to have good communication and support, but when your partner is literally the only one you know within an 8 hour drive, you really depend on that person. There were ups and downs, but no, "I can't do this anymore's" or "you made me move here's", resentment or hard feelings. I am lucky to have had a supportive partner who understood when I spent all day crying after my parents left (only to have their flight get cancelled), tried to make me laugh, and then drove us over to the hotel so we could have dinner with them that night. There is a strength that comes from doing something totally new, something totally immersive and life changing with someone. I feel grateful every day that I chose the partner I did, and that he chose me too. We are doing big things together, and I couldn't be more excited.
The Things I Miss
There are things I miss: the feeling of having to wear a sweater on summer nights because it's too chilly, and pretty much sweaters in general. Coco-mocha-nut coffee from Uncommon Grounds and the Thanksgiving Sandwich at Bountiful Bread. Shooting the breeze with friends and colleagues in "the department" and driving up to Uconn to see how much has changed. New. York. City. Assisting at weddings in the most beautiful locations with fun, talented people. Walking around Buckingham Pond and seeing the ducks after dinner. Sunday dinners with the parents and trying new pizza places. Birthday parties, celebrations.
But we are having fun adding to the list of things we love in Baton Rouge: picking up produce at South Side Produce Market, strolling through Perkins Rowe checking out all the shops and catching a movie, Salad #3 and The Uptowner at Reginelli's (if you've been to visit us, you know this one). Jambalaya, taking a (long) walk around the LSU lakes, visiting awesome local bars with friends. Checking out progress on our house, going to New Orleans.
All in all, it's been a busy year and I am confident that, although hard at times, we made the right decision for us. We are building our lives here and are thankful to have each of you in them!
No comments:
Post a Comment