I’ve
been thinking about writing this post for a while, and suddenly, this
afternoon, I knew it was the right time, for reasons that will be clear later
on.
As the
ratio of packed to unpacked boxes is increasing, I’ve been trying to process
exactly how I feel about the move and leaving this place, a place that I was
once not so sure about. I remember when
I got into graduate school and being so excited for the adventure. Then, the closer the move got, the more I got
nervous. I remember saying to my mom,
“How will I afford socks?” “What if I don’t make friends?” In short, I had the same sorts of feelings
I’m having now, but am on the opposite end of it. In fact, one of my most vivid memories of the
move (which I did in the classic college-bound movie way, alone, junk all piled
into my car) was just getting into Albany and right there, on the highway,
still driving, I began to bawl my eyes out.
In that moment, I actually said out loud, “let me meet cool people.”
Little
did I know that I would meet my husband here and that four years later, I would
marry someone who would become my best friend, my constant support and the love
of my life. I could not even imagine
that we would have the most wonderful wedding, surrounded by those we love, to
celebrate our union. Or, that we would have the most wonderful
little cat, Dora, to keep us on our toes.
The love that I have for my little family, which did not exist five
years ago, is absolutely astonishing and has enriched my life in ways I could
not imagine. Nor could I have ever
imagined that I would meet such wonderful friends, two of whom would become my
bridesmaids. Among this group of friends
I feel accepted, welcomed, loved and supported, and it is an absolute gift to
have wonderful people to go through life (and graduate school) together. I also could not have anticipated the
amazing mentor I would meet and the infinite number of ways she would encourage
me, teach me and laugh with me. I have
learned so much and have had so many opportunities for growth because of
her. I am certain that there is no
better group of people I could have had in my life for these last five years.
And
when I think back to my time in Albany, there is collage of memories and a
constellation of experiences that have made me grow, evolve and come into my
own. From three-day exams (TWO of
them!), to grad-lab study sessions, to teaching first classes, assisting at
weddings, harassing some men decorating their Christmas tree the night of my
birthday (“I love it!”), all the coffee
dates, pick-me-up lunches and in between, this experience of being in Albany
and being surrounded by the people here is one I realize now how cosmic and
lucky I am to have had it.
I knew
it was time to write this post, when upon saying goodbye to my advisor (a
goodbye-for-now), I didn’t cry.
Honestly, I wasn’t sure how that last meeting would go: would I be so
emotionally out-of-control that I would
break down in front of her? Would I make it to my office, my car, home, before
I lost it? But I didn’t. I felt something I wasn’t expecting: the most infinite
sort of gratitude, a thankfulness to the universe for all of the wonderful
people I’ve met here and all of the ways that those people and my experiences
here have fostered my growth.
It is
with these feelings-- of gratitude, of awe, and of wonderfulness that I can't even imagine-- that I turn to the adventure ahead in Baton Rouge, only
this time, I get to embark on this journey with the family that I have created
in Albany. If this upcoming experience
is anything like life in Albany these last five years, I know it will be
amazing. I can’t wait to see what life
has in store for us!
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